Personal Reflections on the Self Essay

I  certify that  the attached  paper is my original work and has not previously been submitted by me or anyone else for any class. I further declare I have cited all sources from which I used  language, ideas, and information,  whether quoted  verbatim or paraphrased, and that any assistance of any kind, which I received while producing this paper, has been acknowledged in the References section. I have obtained written permission from the copyright holder for any trademarked material, logos, or images from the Internet or other sources. I further agree that my name typed  on the line below is intended to have, and shall have, the same validity as my handwritten signature. Student’s  signature (name typed here is equivalent to a signature):   Marjorie Neal When we talk about self, it is generally meant to be a reflection of an individual’s identity and separate from others and the environment (Huitt, 2009). The most widely used concepts when it comes to self are the self-concept and self-esteem. Self-esteem is the sense of self worth and dictates how we feel about ourselves where self-concept is dictated by how an individual answers the question â€Å"who am I? †(Myers, 2008). Research has shown that self-concept is the basis for all motivated behavior because self-concept that provides individuals with possible selves and those possible selves create the motivation for behavior (Huitt, 2009). Self-concept is built through the process of taking action and reflecting on the action one has taken as well as what others tell him about what he has done (Huitt, 2009). We are not born with a self-concept. Self-concept is developed through interaction with the environment and one’s reflection of that interaction. Self-concept has four parts: self-image, self-esteem, ideal-self and self-efficacy My sister had all the friends that my parents approved of, she got the good grades, she was not in special education classes and at home report cards and progress reports were constantly compared. I never heard that I was doing a great job or that I had improved on this subject or that it was always how wonderful my sisters grades were compared to my C’s that I worked very hard for in the early years. By the third grade I was behind in reading and math so I had to go to special classes to get help on those subjects. I not only felt inadequate at home but the other students in school made me feel very stupid and not good enough. I was picked on at school and called all sorts of names from stupid to Margarine to Rhino. Looking back it was kids being kids and picking on me because they could see that it bothered me. I used to come home in tears and all my parents said was to ignore them and they would stop but they did not stop. I was in the â€Å"loser† group and there was no getting out of it. By third grade I believed them. When I entered Junior High School, I started off in the lowest group for my classes, the one that all the troublemakers were in and all the â€Å"stupid† kids. I got tired of being lumped with those kids and decided I could do better so I decided I was going to work hard and talk to my teachers about moving up a group. In sixth grade I went from group four to group three at the half way point in the year. This gave me a bit of a boost but I still was not happy. I wanted to be one of the smart kids like my sister was so that my parents would be proud. So in seventh grade I worked harder and talk to my teachers and I was moved from group three into group two. I was feeling better about myself and continued to push harder until I was finally in group one by the end of the eighth grade. Being in group one meant I could take the college level classes I wanted to take in High School, it also meant that I was just as good as my sister was but that did nothing for me at home because I was struggling to pull C’s and my sister was still pulling A’s. Nonetheless, I was proud of my accomplishment and myself so I tried college level classes in High School. I did fine in college English but not so good in Math. I found that high school was very difficult for me and after all those years of trying to be as good as my sister I still could not pull the same grades no matter how hard I worked at it. I gave up and stopped taking college level classes with the hope that the other classes would be easier for me and I could pull the A’s and B’s that my parents were so proud of my sister for getting. When I continued to struggle my freshman and sophomore year I gave up and decided that I was going to do what it took to get those C’s and nothing more. I became very discouraged. Then my parents separated and we moved from my hometown to the Cape with my aunt so I had to change schools half way through my sophomore year. I was happy with that, a new group of kids to meet and different expectations by the kids I already knew in that school so this was going to be easy and that was my easiest semester ever. I finally got the good grades that I was looking for and my mother stopped criticizing me for my choice in friends. She actually approved of most of my friends. My sister at that point became the problem child. Then it all fell apart. My mother decided that she was going to take a job in Boise, Idaho and my sister and I had to move with her across the country. I had finally adjusted to the idea of my parents getting a divorce and now she was going to take me away from all of my life long friends and everything I knew. My attitude, self-esteem and everything went right down the toilet. When we got to Idaho I didn’t care anymore. I was going to do what I had to do to graduate and get out of my mother’s house so I could go back to Massachusetts where I knew people and I was home. I made poor choices in friends, poor choices in behavior, and poor choices in my schoolwork all because the only thing I could see was anger. I was so angry with both of my parents, my mother for making me move to Idaho and my father for not fighting to keep us in Massachusetts. It was like my opinion did not matter and once again my sister was the queen. All the good I had done in junior high and down the Cape did not matter anymore. I graduated from high school, turned down a military career and moved back to Massachusetts where I met my first husband. It was a marriage destined to fail. My first husband was very abusive verbally and emotionally. He constantly made me feel like I was not worth the dirt I walked on. I was diagnosed bipolar two years after we got married and he never took the time to learn about it, said he didn’t believe in mental illness and did not help me find the help I needed so it was a very rocky ten-year marriage. I did get two wonderful children out of the marriage though, of that I was thankful and challenged. After my first husband and I divorced, I met my current husband. He is the exact opposite of my first husband. We have a very good relationship. It was the relationship with my first husband and all the abuse that I went through in the ten years we were married and my childhood experiences that made me who I am today.