My Counseling Theory Paper Essay

Running head:Finding Meaning Finding Meaning in Life Sandy Patty Made Up University Abstract What is to be said about life and circumstances? There are many different theories and perspectives about it, but my concern is when someone feels they have to be subject to their circumstance. Further in this paper I will discuss my personal counseling theory and how I believe that not one person has to be ruled by a certain circumstance and that they are not by any means validated by one person because they have the opportunity to discover meaning in their life for themselves and discover an array of opportunities in life. Finding Meaning in Life Introduction My story is not something new or one that has never been told before, but it is unique to me and bears significant value due to the way that it shaped and formed me into the person I am today and the reason for me pursuing a career in counseling. I come from a mixed, biracial, and very religious family. The women in my family all seem to have gone through significant and grave hardships and/or traumatic experiences. My grandmother was sold as a sex slave when she was 3 years old because her Mother was dirt poor and needed money to sustain her drug/alcohol addiction. At an early age my grandmother was forced into prostitution as a way of life and a means to sustain herself. She then later met my grandfather who was a minister in a local religious church and they married. My mother was born into a very religious environment, strict dress codes, no jewelry, makeup, pants, they were forcefully instructed that they were the lesser of men, and they were to always obey their husband regardless of the issue or circumstance. During my Mother’s adolescent years she was a victim of child molest and the perpetrator was an important figure in the church. When my Mother attempted to tell my grandmother what had happened, she was severely physically punished and accused of lying. Since then, she never once told a soul as it continued to occur. She had become a pin-cushion for a â€Å"religious leader† within the church. Later on in life, my Mother met my father who was a young youth pastor in town and they married. My father was also a very religious man and held strongly to his beliefs. My parents struggled financially and experienced many hardships due to church and family. I believe my parents were somewhat forced in marriage at such an early age due to their religious setting and they were not prepared at all for what faced them ahead. My mother had children by age 19 and her life changed dramatically. My one and only older sibling was born and he became the closest thing to a mentor that I had. I too, grew up in a very religious and strict home environment. We were taught that there was only one way to live and it was according to the Bible and the rules taught in Church, anything else was unacceptable and reprimanded. My father was always a very hard worker and was hardly home due to working so many jobs in order to provide for the family. When he was home, I remember him and my mother arguing constantly due to issues with his family interfering with their marriage and finances. From an early age, I remember my mother crying and coming to me to talk about what was bothering her or issues with my father. I would just listen and offer advice as best as an 8 yr. old could and I remember thinking to myself, â€Å"Is this normal, am I supposed to be doing this?It felt strange and hard to not be biased in a situation involving my family, but I learned at a very young age things a child should not know or experience. I definitely had to grow up quick and learned to figure things out on my own. My older brother pretty much raised me and was the only person I could confide in or talk to. My family was not very affectionate, but rather very cold and distant and always brought everything back to a religious setting. I have always been told I was very mature for my age and I attribute this to my childhood or lack thereof and being forced to play an adult role due to circumstance. I do not write this story for pity, but rather because I believe it played a significant role in me pursuing counseling as a career path. It feels so natural for me when I’m talking to people because it was something I can always remember doing. From such an early age, I have always been engaged with older people and hearing about issues from failed relationships to traumatic/crisis situations. I strongly believe that this is one of the reasons I am not a very judgmental person because I feel I have experienced so much that I know what it is like to go through many different situations and not so pleasant circumstances. Core Theoretical Principles My counseling theory is that even though human beings have the need for approval or longing of someone else to bring substantial meaning in their life, they are not by any means validated by any one person or situation because you focus on the present and future and make the most of your circumstance. I experienced that in my childhood every time I saw my mother and father arguing and later I would hear from her what exactly happened between them. I remember thinking to myself that why would someone stay in an abusive situation or at least not stand up for themselves. I concluded that she needed to be validated by the relationship and for her to leave the relationship or stand up for herself would mean to defy her husband, church, and God. The Existential theory really brought insight into my life because it helped me understand what I always knew and from what I had experienced at an early age. In essence Existentialism states that we are not victims of circumstance because, to a large extent, we are what we choose to be (Corey, 2009, pg. 133). It is about recognizing certain tragedies experienced in life, but also embracing and understanding the positive opportunities that lie ahead, and to also comprehend the fact that we are human and what it means to be just that. It is a difficult concept to grasp at first because society teaches us that it is about building relationships and finding someone to validate who you are as a person, but existentialism is about understanding and facing the fact that we are essentially alone and facing that anxiety. It is in this theory that we tend to discover just who we are as a person and are able to discover more about ourselves and make sense of our existence. According to Carl Rogers, his experience taught him that if one is able to get to the core of an individual, one finds a trustworthy, positive center. He believed that people are trustworthy, resourceful, capable of self-understanding and self-direction, able to make constructive changes, and able to live effective and productive lives. In this theory, I believe that despite circumstance, a person is able to â€Å"bounce back† and still be able to live a healthy and high functioning life. I would incorporate what Car Rogers expressed as the three main attributes needed to foster change, Congruence, Unconditional Positive Regard, and Accurate Empathic Understanding. For me, it has always been very important for me to deal with someone on a personal level, never forgetting that we are all humans and not above anyone else. I honestly believe that when you treat someone with respect regardless of age, gender, race, etc. then trust and respect is created and that is the number one element in any counseling relationship. Gestalt is another form of holistic psychology theory and one that I would strongly employ because I am a firm believer in perception and the meaning-making process. Gestalt therapy suggests that the objective is to enable the client to become more fully and creatively alive and to become free from the blocks and unfinished business that may diminish satisfaction, fulfillment, and growth, and to experiment with new ways of being (Corey, 2009, pg. 204). It looks at the bigger picture as a whole not just one part of the whole because I believe in order to truly understand someone you need to perhaps dissect pieces, but only in order to understand the whole. Anticipated Settings I currently am employed at a Child & Family Advocacy Center that helps victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse, and elder abuse. I have always been interested in the helping profession and because of my childhood and the many different experiences and circumstances I encountered, I have always known I wanted to work in this specific area in order to attempt to make a change and help people who fall victims of such a terrible circumstance. As a future counselor I would like to remain relatively in the same field of helping victims of a crime, which include sexual assault, child molest, and domestic violence. I have seen and experienced all of this personally whether with family or friends and I have a passion and urge to help make a difference. I believe that life is definitely not fair, people are played the cards they are dealt, but also that a person is not validated by their past circumstances or anyone and it is up to them to find meaning in their life and discover who they are and want to become. Techniques I believe that it is necessary to provide adequate education and training to all the community because there are many people who unaware of the laws that can protect them from crimes and they are also unaware of the many various options they have to change their situation. I would employ an ongoing community education program offering free training to local offices, schools, day cares, etc. , just to spread the word of the different community resources available to help the people. In working closely with and advocacy center, I would incorporate a domestic violence group that is not biased and one that actually helpful to people and does not enable them. Unfortunately, services in this area are limited to the same service providers and people are left with limited options. Too many times, clients have approached me with disappointment in therapist they have encountered and they are turned off by the idea of counseling because of several negative experiences. I am very passionate about this type of work specifically because of my past and I would like to genuinely be able to help people in these types of situations and therefore, would in the future, like to offer counseling services specifically to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and/or child abuse. I would not be biased, and because of my past I understand what it is like to live in that type of situation and I also understand leaving is not always the easiest decision a person can make because there are many factors to consider. People in these types of situations are very unique in the fact that they have learned to survive on their own and know what they need to do or to say the right thing in order to survive. This is not a situation where one counseling theory covers all clients, so I would tailor each to the specific person because I understand their situation is unique and requires a technique to match. Also, I believe that it is vital to establish a healthy relationship with the client in order for them to trust you and open up to you. I would incorporate many of the Rogerian techniques regarding the genuine relationship with the client, trusting environment. Victims of any of these types of crime have been through some of the most horrendous situations and they have learned to adapt to the perpetrators needs and threats. If a counselor walks into a session with an â€Å"all knowing† authoritative attitude it will discourage the victim from speaking the truth and the counselor will have lost, which may have been the only opportunity, to help the victim possible change their circumstance. I would enter into the counselor/client relationship giving respect and trust on my part and genuinely attempting to get to know the client and their unique situation. I would also involve the client every step of the way because it is this same client that returns to their situation at home and not me so I would always need to have their best interest and safety in mind. The clients would not just be another file on my desk, but rather a person who’s life can be altered by perhaps just one meeting in counseling so what better change to reach out and try and help someone. It is with this that I would definitely incorporate many of the existential techniques in helping clients find meaning in their life by exploring their different life situations. Limitations A very common limitation that I experience already in the line of work I do now is the fact that even though I am passionate about this field, the actuality of it is that I cannot change a person, they have to decide for themselves when that change is appropriate. Many times I have seen counselors burnout in this field because they feel they are not making any significant change due to many victims returning to the same abusive relationship or circumstance. So in theory, all of these techniques and theories are wonderful, but in reality they are dependent on the client. Summary Life is simple, it’s just not easy. People have to play the cards they are dealt. Life is not fair by any means and we could use this as an excuse to wallow in pity or use it to motivate us to overcome and conquer our situation. We are not validated by any one circumstance or person, we can choose to discover for ourselves who we are and who we wish to become. My personal counseling theory is just that, very personal because it was unknowingly developed over time due mostly through what I have experienced in life.